Wednesday, July 18, 2007
[Farting for Fun and Profit]
So like any other day of the week, I leave the office for my 9:30 toilet vacation. But this time, oh this time was different. As I walk in I accidentally make eye contact with a dude at the urinal, he is standing with his left hand on his hip, staring back over his shoulder at me with wide eyes. As I make dreadful eye contact with him, his eyes bulge outward for a second, while never leaving my stare, and he farts. It is a loud, purposeful fart. It says "I am man, this is my toilet, you made a terrible mistake today boy". Needless to say I pretended I had to crap and went to a stall, hurrying past him, trying to convince myself I hadn't just seen/heard that. As I sat there waiting for him to leave I glanced down at my penis, it was small and scared-an eskimo huddled against the cold fear of the farting man. So im sitting there, begging for him to leave, and then I hear it, it went off like one of those old muskets you see in cartoons "BAROOOOOOOOFA" his asshole said. I tried to hold my breath for dear life. And then as if my guardian angel stepped in and said "Move along now, stinky" I heard the man shuffle over to the sink, wash his hands and head towards the door. It was the home stretch, the last leg, I was rounding 3rd and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I was too soon, with the last few steps a machine gun erupted inside the room as he farted "FRRRT-FRYYYYT-FRZZZLTY" and then left.
I swear to you, it is up there with seeing a hobo shit on the street with the most traumatic moments of my life. But th worst part... the worst part is, I didn't get a close look.... it could be anyone... my boss, the owner.... the girl who sits across from me.... ANYONE.
DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The Ninja Ken today is old, its from 2002. A time when all I really cared about in life was getting girls, and getting hammer brothers suits. And since girls in my neck of the woods didn't like idiots who wore big baggy jeans and wore "Hook-Ups" shirts, hammers bros was the only option for worldly happiness for this guy.